While my parenting style would definitely fall into the realm known as Natural Parenting, I wish there were a better catch-all term for parents who think about such things as toxic-free environments, imaginative play, breastfeeding, co-sleeping, environmental stewardship, and organic and local foods.

Now I’ve never seen a good definition of “natural” parenting, since it covers such a broad range of issues, from what you diaper your kid with—or whether you use diapers at all–to your opinions on tv viewing and whether boys should wear pink. So I hunted around some related websites to see if the collective mind had come up with something useful.

Example 1 (found on more than one website): “Natural Parenting is about exploring gentle, instinctive and attachment parenting methods by avoiding common products and customs designed to separate us from our offspring and choosing more organic, instinctive and attached parenting techniques such as breastfeeding, babywearing, cosleeping, homeschooling and elimination communication.”

This definition doesn’t insist that you do all of these things to be a “natural” or “instinctive” parent, but it’s still rather ominous given that nearly all of those examples are things which take an incredible amount of time and commitment from parents, not to mention a sufficient income to allow at least one parent to be at home full time. And this is the quote that can be found on the website of the gentle and discerning folks at Mothering magazine. The more judgmental sites say things like this:

Example 2: “Natural Parenting includes: full time parenting, little or no separation between parent/child in the early years, breastfeeding, baby wearing, co-sleeping, avoidance of mother substitutes, extended breastfeeding, child-led weaning, homebirth, informed decisions regarding vaccinations, no infant circumcision, nonpunitive forms of discipline, healthy living, natural healing, homeschooling, child-led learning.” (Natural Parenting webring)

I’m still trying to think of one person I know who would meet all those criteria, or would even consider all of them to be a good idea. Not to mention one parent who decided to be uninformed about vaccinations. Actually, my favorite on that list is “avoidance of mother substitutes”–I can’t help laughing when people condemn loveys and blankies as some sort of sinister parent replacement. These people have obviously never met my 4-year-old, who upon opening the baby gift containing his lovey-to-be at around 5 months old, grabbed the tiger inside, stuffed its ears into his mouth, and refused to let go of it for the next hour. (And before anyone asks, he was happy, breastfeeding, sleeping with company, and cared for entirely by his parents, so no obvious “need” existed.)

Now picking apart definitions of natural parenting could go for forever, but what really riles me about the term is the implication that my friends who don’t fall into this category are Unnatural. Unnatural, depraved, selfish, clueless—just hopelessly uninformed and mainstream, right? Why not call ‘em bourgeois and have done with it? Because their kids are obviously raised on violent video games and Doritos and wouldn’t know who Gandalf was if they hadn’t made that movie…

I’m so weary of these smug labels that elevate some parents into the “right” category and exclude everyone else. We all know that, fair or not, Bad Mother is one of the worst accusations you can throw at a woman (sorry, men, but you are not quite condemned to the same degree).

Parenting is not a competition. In my experience, everyone is doing the best they can with a wildly challenging job in an ever-changing environment, whether or not we work, or know what a CSA farm is, or carefully ensure that the kids only drink organic, local milk.

End of Rant. :) By the way, if you don’t know natural parenting from clearly inferior unnatural parenting but still need a baby gift for a “green” friend, check out the rest of the Green Baby Gift Box website for hassle-free green gifting. We promise not to demand your credentials before allowing a purchase.

Tags: natural parenting

This entry was posted on Thursday, September 25th, 2008 at 9:02 am and is filed under Natural Parenting. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.